Now that I have your attention and you are suitably scandalized, allow me to suggest you don’t spit out your coffee in wide-eyed amazement. Let me elaborate and make my point.

During a recent discussion about writing and blogging with a friend of mine, a comment was made that was really interesting. It was, of course, about the role of sex in blogging and it is what piqued my curiosity. By sex, I don’t mean to ask whether you’re getting any action. Quite frankly, I don’t know you that well and it would be rather impolite of me to lead that inquisition. So, no I am talking about the act of ‘wham bam, thank you ma’am’. Instead, I refer to gender when I say sex (hah! Bet you didn’t see that coming, did you?). So, exactly how does a female blogger influence our behavior as opposed to a male blogger? Does it affect the way we receive them or the manner in which we view their blogs?

I don’t know about you, but I have always been jealous about the fact that women can get pretty much anything they want by being pretty or flirty or slutty, or even all three at the same time. If a man did the same, it would be downright despicable. And then they talk about equality of the sexes! Regardless of my grouse, and assuming that we all begin to blog on an equal footing, which gender has more of an advantage in the long run, and is there an advantage to be found at all? So yes, I am asking the question; does sex really matter when blogging?

There is one more thing that I have noticed about women (besides the fact that their hair always smells wonderful, which is part of the reason why I love them) and that is their natural diffidence. By that I mean to say that I have seen women be hesitant to start something new since they wonder if they’re qualified to do whatever it is while men just rush in where angels fear to tread! If a guy feels he has anywhere near a reasonable skill set, he’ll simply say “yeah, sure , I can do that”. It’s not about positivity versus negativity either; it’s simply a question of having a gung-ho attitude (at times) and believing that experience is as good a teacher as a classroom.

My point is a very simple one. There are subtle, but very noticeable differences, in the male and female psyche and this manifests itself in the way we behave. Note particularly how I have no formal degree in psychology but feel like I can hold court on the subject. This is a validation of sorts of my hypothesis and another male characteristic. Similarly, there are female characteristics that are obviously beneficial for blogging. Qualities such as being a good listener and empathetic (besides just being female) helps out the ladies for sure while being more carefree, more analytical and better problem-solvers certainly help out the males.

I do believe however that the best bloggers draw upon the best of both sexes. It’s like having a muscle car and making it beautiful too; form meets function. It’s not like I’m advocating a personality transplant. All I’m saying is we can always learn from the opposite sex since gender does play a role in blogging.

“¿Qué quiere para su desayuno?”, asked the waitress rather demurely. She hovered not more than a few inches from my face inquisitively, and I struggled to come up with a response before remembering what I wanted.

“Tortilla de Patatas, por favor”.

This was all I remembered, and it was a good thing that I liked Spanish Omelet a whole lot. But I had to ask myself the question while I was waiting for my breakfast; why have I not learnt any more Spanish seeing how I needed to know at least a passing amount of it. That was back when I was traveling through Spain on one vacation many moons ago, and Tortilla de Patatas was all I had for the better part of a week, at least at breakfast. I just didn’t learn from my mistakes, and I spoke Spanish like a four year old; I was babbling, I was disjointed and mind you, I am someone who prides himself reasonably much on his communication abilities. My Spanish was not much better than my Pig Latin, and that’s not saying much.

But in that experience, I learned something of immense value over those few passing days and no, it wasn’t Spanish. Lord knows I picked up a bit in those few days, but more than that I shed my inhibitions when it came to public humiliation. You see, one of my big phobias has to do with looking like a fool in front of a collective and I managed to get rid of that one fear. I think everyone doesn’t like to be made to like a buffoon, and I am no different. And so when I tried to make myself understood in Spanish (awkwardly, I must admit) I fumbled around a bit in a manner not much different to a gauche teenager admitting his (or her) love to another teen. The point is this; while I am proficient in my local language and then a few more, you still have to start at the very beginning when it comes to learning a new language. For a time, you will sound like a toddler.

It’s just that you will mangle a few words, jumble a few phrases and look like George of the Bungle for some time. There will be those that laugh uproariously at you, those that look at you with a genuine sense of confusion and those that call together everyone else just to see how much of a jackass you are making of yourself (yes, that has happened to me). Is there a point to all of this? I’m glad you asked; I don’t think learning to blog is any different than having to learn a language. And the important thing is that Spanish summer meant that I had no problem making a fool of myself (at the times I did) while blogging in public. The point is that in order to become a more experienced blogger you just have to learn your way around by making rookie mistakes.

I’ve published rough posts when never meaning to, used caps lock without realizing it simply because I was too lazy to proof-read, I’ve incorrectly embedded files and sent out links and sometimes I tried to get my readers into action but left out the one piece of information that would have got them to move into action. Again, it’s the same thing when it comes to selling a product or service and I ask you this; how is blogging different from having to sell a product? And all of this happens in the public eye, and every single failure teaches us something new (at least it should), even if it is something as elementary as what not to do. Know that you will fail, and know that you must plan to rebound from it. That is the only way you will learn anything and that is the only way to become a better blogger.

At least I got Spanish Omelets out of my mistakes, perhaps you’ll get more.

“How can I make my blog better?”

Oh boy, now you’ve gone and done it. You’ve gone and asked the one question that’s larger than life. Several bloggers all over the planet are thinking about that very question every day. And the ones that don’t…well, they’re just not very serious about blogging, are they?

There are so many possible responses, and all of them sound very appealing and sexy; I could tell you how to increase traffic, increase your subscriber base and try to get a million people to watch your Twitter feed very observantly. But there are also the decidedly un-sexy answers that can be proffered, such as “when was the last time you took a long, hard look at your blogging ethics?”

Whenever I have made that statement, I have received a look that is blanker than a virgin cheque. It is not something people want to hear, not something that people look at as an answer. But as bloggers, we are a part of the blogosphere and the real world, and we are not free from any social restrictions or rules; they’re all there, make no mistake about it. Indeed, a blog might feel a lot like an invisible platform on which we can stand and say pretty much anything we want, but nothing could be further from the truth.

For one, there is the all-seeing ruler of the digital world they call Google. Once you say something online, your words are, for all practical purposes, cast in digital concrete. There is no taking back anything that you say and Google is like an invisible Elephant that never forgets, ever. The old version of a website gets cached, so any blunders that you make could have very real and very serious consequences. Heck, the Library of Congress want to archive Twitter tweets. So don’t for a moment feel that you won’t be responsible for saying anything rash; you will be responsible for every last word of it.

By extension, your blog is your own voice and anything posted in the comments section too echoes along with your own, so always keep an eye on that comments page and see what is being put up or not. You don’t have to okay comments you feel are derogatory or wrong, and not everyone will be happy with that. Sometimes, you can have a “post-all-comments” policy, but when someone gets spammy or abrasive and adds no value to any dialogue you should just shut that comment down. Some allow freedom of speech, some don’t, but at the end of the day this is your blog and your call entirely. But make sure you don’t cut out comments just because the commenter isn’t agreeing with you; you don’t want yes men, and you don’t want your credibility to be shot to bits. Strike a balance like you know you have to.

There is also the small matter of legalese to take care of. Some bloggers love to point out injustices and malpractices as they see it, or just sheer stupidity. But some bloggers can also be malicious, mind you. Regardless, if you are going to go down this road, you should know what libel is and what constitutes libel. There is a very fine line between slandering someone and free speech and you could get into serious trouble for crossing it. The Author’s Guild even offers Media Liability Insurance (a must in some cases) and you have to sometimes ensure you are covered for libel and slander if you are going to walk down that road.

There are strong ethical guidelines for running a blog and making sure that its brand value is squeaky clean. Remember, trying to walk the straight and narrow isn’t such a bad thing.

Sometimes, you need to be the black sheep in the family to get anywhere, and sometimes it just doesn’t matter just how different you are when it comes to seeking attention. In a way, you don’t need to try and be different at all; just like no two snowflakes are alike, no two people are alike. Just find your own self, your own unique voice and you’ll be able to get yourself a loyal set of fans who will happily and gladly listen to everything you have to say, no matter how unique or attention-hungry you think you are or aren’t.

It’s a very old saying in the annals of social medium (young as it is). Be different and authentic and fame, fortune, women and eternal glory will be yours. In fact, this is very true; being unique with a distinctive tone or persona can really set you apart and in an age where it is hard to command and attract attention, several people believe that getting attention is very hard. It is the most comment lament I have heard from bloggers I have met; “I wish I could get people to read my stuff, sometimes I just feel as if my words are simply echoing in the void of cyberspace.”

A blog is nothing but a marketer, and what he is selling is himself and his ideas. Yes, you need to attract as much attention as you can for yourself and that’s why the headlines you write matter, and it’s why your first paragraph (and first line) matter more than anything. And that’s been the case throughout history; a pretty girl at a food stall shouting “hot legs, come and get them right here” when selling Turkey legs will always get more attention than others around her, even if you’re really not that keen on having Turkey legs. She just caught your attention and said exactly what she was selling; how could she not succeed?

But it’s not all in the headline, for you can do a lot more to attract attention. The key is to get the opening line of your copy or opening seconds of your video or audio message to be listened to, and that’s it. So, using the previous example, if all you do is admire the pretty girl from a distance but don’t buy anything she has to sell, she would have failed in her objectives. Just don’t be a jerk about it; we all give jerks attention, not many give jerks business and that’s what you really want. You need to make your prospective readers at ease and not fearful before you take all the money you can from them. Then you can laugh all the way to the bank while they rue the day they met you. Similarly, don’t be a wuss; there is a middle ground between being a forceful jerk and being a real wimp about things. Hit that happy medium and you will make any reader a repeat one.